Wow, not exactly sure how to begin this…except for WOW! Haha. My goodness. Today was my 4th day as in intern. I seriously don’t even know how to put into words what the past few days have been like but I guess I’ll give it a try...
Yesterday was our first full day in the prayer room, and I left completely in awe of the grace of God on these people’s lives. I realized that I have glamorized a lot of ministry, especially the prayer movement and Africa. Its like 'ooh yea that would be awesome for your job to be to fast and pray and be before God all day!' Or' Man, that would be so cool to live in Africa and feed the poor every day.' It is for sure one thing to talk about it and a completely different to actually live out those realities. And yes, both of those are amazing and the heart of Jesus but it is 100% by the grace of God that we can do either of those, or anything for that matter. I am realizing how weak I am apart from Him. It's only day 4 and I cant keep praying, "Lord my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak." Its a constant dying to your flesh.
day 1 was awesome as was day 2 and I’m sure the rest of my time here, but the thought of doing this day in and day out for the rest of my life is just too much to comprehend right now. Just day1 was hard! I definitely have a completely new respect for intercessors and those who have given themselves to the house of prayer. The grace of God is powerful and so strong!! If your heart isn’t being constantly kept alive by the Spirit, this would be miserable honestly.
I have more of an understanding of why, as Corey Russell says, he’s addicted to the daily break through…you have to be! And I think the key is, and what God is “tricking” me into, if you will, is an addiction to that break through. An addiction to His presence, to His word, to partnering with Jesus in prayer, to hearing Him speak, and the deeper things of God and His Spirit. An addiction to Him making my heart alive! And only Him! Honestly though, no matter what your occupation without that, life is going to be miserable. So no matter what I end up "doing" He is well on His way to ruining me for Jesus, ha. We were created FOR God! Oh man, I want to know Him. To really know this man Jesus. Not to simply do things in His name, but to actually know what He is like and what He thinks about different issues in society, the world and my life. To know His heart. To be in tune with the heart of God. That is all I want. And the things we do in His name have to come from that place, I’m convinced. It’s like if a husband just went out and bought his wife all the latest and greatest things thinking that is what she wants, when really her she could care less about those things and just wants time with him. It’s only in spending time with her that he’ll realize that the good-morning-note he left on the bathroom sink before going to work meant WAY more to her than the new diamond or outfit. The world says fastest car, nicest house…Jesus says note on the bathroom sink. I like that about Him. He’s really understands our hearts and desires and how He wired us. :)
I’ve been asking the Lord what He wants me to study during my prayer room time. (Also realizing I’ve never really gone in-depth into His word. It’s more like “God, give me revelation on light.” And he tells me one thing and I’m like oh cool, check. How about the Father’s love? One encounter with the Father’s delight in me and I’m like whoa that was amazing, check. What is the rush? Imagine giving yourself for a month to studying nothing but the light of God! Ok, there’s that soapbox) So, I’ve been feeling like the Lord wants me to focus on the ‘fear of the Lord’ and so I started looking stuff up about it today and then we had a time of prayer for the interns during an intercession set and this guy just kept saying, “seek out the fear of the Lord, seek out the fear of the Lord!!” Thank you Jesus for confirmation! I’m excited to give myself to studying this topic and seeking the Lord about what it means to fear Him. I’m sure there will be some blogs to come regarding the topic..ha.
Ok, that’s enough about me. What about YOU?
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