Honestly, I was never very comfortable calling God "Abba or Daddy".. I was fine with other people doing it, it just never felt natural when I would say it. About half way through my trip here I had a little break down and was walking around the streets pouring my heart out to God. Calling Him "Abba" came out from deep within me. Ever since then, whenever I just say His name a sense of peace and His presence just comes over me. It's amazing! One of my favorite parts about Jerusalem is hearing the little kids call their dad "Abba".. something about it is so special. Try it out.. just say "Abba" and then sit for a minute and think about Him. :)

AHH, we have such a good ABBA!! Who is like Him? Who can compare? He's the kindest one i know.

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, HOW MUCH MORE WILL YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN GIVE GOOD GIFTS TO THOSE WHO ASK HIM!

[Matthew 7:9-11]

Don't you love when things the Lord has been showing you here and there finally start to connect?! Today was one of those days for me. So I'll try to share some, hopefully it makes sense to you. It makes sense to my heart, but I'm still trying to process and put things together so I figure trying to write it out might help..

This morning the Lord gave my friend a vision of his heart filled with jewels and pearls. We were trading our rocks for precious things. On the gems there were tags that said, "the desires of your heart."

In Hebrew the words 'beauty' and 'ashes' are spelled with the same letters in a different order. As we take our the desires of our heart (rocks) and lay them as a sacrifice on His alter they are consumed with His fire and become ashes. He treasures our sacrifices in His heart, they are very dear to Him, and they become beautiful gems as we release them into His care and allow for patience to have it's perfect work in our hearts (James 1:4). In His perfect timing, He gives them back to us. I believe what we give up to Him that He is making it beautiful in it's timing and our desire will come back to us exceedingly abundantly above all we thought or imagined (Ephesians 3:20).

He has made everything beautiful in its timing (Ecc3:11).

He takes our ashes and breathes on them and they become life (like Adam!). He takes our filthy rags and makes them garments of praise! Only when our hearts are fully surrendered to Him are we truly free.Whoever loses his life for My sake will find it (Matt10:39). There's so much JOY in letting go!!

When we first got here the Lord was speaking Ecclesiastes 3:1 to me, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven." I received a prophetic word the other day that "It's time!".. still asking Him exactly what it's time for, but I know this was the Lord speaking it. It's the glory of God to conceal a matter, and the Glory of a king to search it out (Prov 25:2). He who seeks finds (Matt 7:8).

So yeah.. a good Abba, timing, treasures, sacrifices, joy, patience, Ecclesiastes 3... :)

Thank you Abba for light! I pray for more of the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ to shine on our hearts. Amen.

adventures and beauty

Sedona, Arizona

Kartchner Caverns

the earth is amazing. and being in God's creation fills my heart with so much love and awe. i keep thinking of the explorers who discovered these...that's gotta be a crazy feeling, being the first person to stumble upon sheer wonder.. ah, what a fun adventure. 

i think the Lord gives us desires to go places and see things bc He loves taking us on adventures. it's almost like a game... i'll put them here and then give them a desire to go to there and they'll get to talk to me about it and together we'll figure out how to get them there. so fun! 

Jesus loves adventures. I'm asking Him for a rainbow while I'm here... i'll post a pic after i see it :)

You're loving kindness has yet to fail me.

feeling emotional today. it has been such a great year for me in atlanta. i've grown to love this place and people but at the same time its weird when the lord starts moving you, starts feeling like its just not right to be where you are and you need to be where you're going. so kind of Him. can't believe some of the people He has connected me with here.. they'll probably single-handedly (with the HS of course) convert entire nations to Jesus. 

my camera broke... bad timing. maybe the lord will revive it before my trip. i hope so. 

romans 8:39, my friends. 

the apartment i'll be living in while in jerusalem !! 25 days till departure :)

http://www.myspace.com/unitedpursuit

listen to the song "fill me up"

i'm going to be living in the Holy Land for 3 months with my best friend. 

ummm.. that's ridiculous. 

we leave september 21. holy cow. 

we'll be on staff with Succat Hallel. jerusalempraise.com

(if you want to support me.. that'd be awesome. contact me, i'll give you my address)

one-liners i've liked lately...

"I bless You maker of heaven, I bless You maker of earth, for You lifted me up from the ashes."

"Hosanna in the highest, come save."

"You see me where I am, You find me when I cant, You went into the depth and You love me unto death." 

"All men's empty promises lie broken at Your feet, but You have never broken one."

"Strong and steady are the hands of my beloved."

"Now the justice due me is love sweet love, though death pursue me it can never overcome." 

"Your lovingkindness has yet to fail me." 

"All my devotion belongs to this Man." 

rant for the day...

for the past 2 days i've ordered a iced vanilla chai from dunkin and they've given it to me hot. mmm. maybe when i say ICED it somehow comes out "hot"... come on people it's 90 degrees outside. who in their right mind would want a hot drink? 

verse for the day...

that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:7

Forever and ever we'll be learning about how KIND it was for the Father to send us Jesus.. OH MY GOODNESS! 

 

Judge George Richardson, Jr. 

90 years old.

my granddaddy passed away on friday. this picture is from April when i was down there..we were having our usual dinner at the Yacht Club. We've had dates there ever since I was a little girl. 

taylor is coming home on thursday because of the situation. i'm sad about that situation, but way excited to see him and hear about all of his adventures in africa!! 

i forgot my bible and journal today at home. i guess in corporate america that would be equivalent to forgetting... your blackberry and.. something else. maybe a really expensive pen that you have to use to sign really important documents. basically, some of the essentials tools for my job. ha. good thing the actual Holy Spirit lives inside of me, can't forget Him :)

in the works...

1. a trip to the Holy Land with my lovely friend, jana, for the end of sept-dec. we're sending in our applications to go on staff at Succat Hallel (house of prayer) this week. pray that someone subleases her room in kc. and that the Lord would send some finances our way. honestly, that is the least of my concerns.. i know He will provide. Please still pray for that though :) ideally i would like to have $3000 for it. that would include everything (plane ticket, living, food, etc.). 

2. my granny is starting to read the bible. i gave her Redeeming Love for her bday a few weeks ago and i called her monday and we were talking about it. it was really good. feel like i have an open door with her to talk about the Lord which is a huge blessing. i asked her if she wanted to read a book of the bible together and then talk about it once a week. she said that would be hard to do over the phone. later i realized that i think she thought i meant actually read it on the phone... i'll have to give that another shot with a little more explanation next time. 

thats about all for now.

you are fearfully and wonderfully made. perfect and enough. 

kristene mueller

http://www.myspace.com/kristenemueller

All my devotion is found in this Man.... 

a cake i made. its kinda boring, but it works. tasted yummmmy :)

God is so good!!!!!!!

so last night and this morning He let me go into travail for the homosexual community. i cant believe we actually get to partner with the heart of God in moving in the affairs of men on the earth! that is CRAZYY!! 

so then i walk over to the offices to pick something up out of the printer. this guy is over there asking about Daniel Academy (a partnership homeschool thing at ihop). needless to say, i know nothing about it and have no idea where the information is. so i kinda look like an idiot... yea i'm on staff and i dont know anything.. somehow we just start talking about ihop and he's asking me and my friend chad about it. we tell him about lots of the different parts, about how we raise support and what God has done in our hearts since being here. by the end of the convo he says he wants to support us $250 a month!! wwhhhhatt?!?!? our Father is so faithful! 

2 words: EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY !!

annoyed. got invitations printed for the internship graduation. came to panera for some coffee and to stuff envelopes.. take the invitations out of the bag and they printed upside down! are you kidding me? that's just plain annoying. 

oh well. 

--------------------

ive been feeling frustrated with where i am at with the lord. feeling really condemned actually. like i should be farther along than i am with the lord, that my prayer life should be deeper, i don't really love people, i'm selfish, my relationship with the Lord is shallow, i'm inadequate to talk to anybody about Him.... all of those things just railing against me for a few days. 

but the Lord, in His great kindness, leads me to this passage and i feel like it really speaks to my heart right now. this might not be the right interpretation just what i felt the Holy Spirit was telling me.. 

SOS 6:11-12

I went down to the garden of nuts to see the verdure (greenness of growing vegetation; condition of health and vigor) of the valley, to see whether the vine had budded and the pomegranates had bloomed. Before I was even aware, my soul had made me as the chariots of my noble people. 

He didn't let her see if the vine had budded or bloomed; didn't let her evaluate herself, instead revealed to her her identity and position. We are seated with Christ in heavenly places. 

It doesn't matter "where I'm at" or "how well I'm doing"..that's not my identity. 

The truth is that I am a daughter of the Most High. I am chosen by Him. Predestined to adoption. Perfect in His eyes. Covered in the blood of Jesus. Filled with the Spirit of the living God. More than a conqueror through Him who loves me. A pleasing fragrance to Him. The one He loves. The one He died for. The one whom His eyes can't look away bc He is so crazy in love. 

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...who can condemn? It is God who justifies. Hallelujah! 

chillin in tampa at panera.. 

today we'll celebrate my granny's 80th bday. lunch at the country club then a surprise party with all her friends at the house. im looking forward to hanging out with my cousins. i found a picture from when she was a kid last night that looked exactly like fletcher! it was crazy. she had really short hair and a tobago on holding the biggest snowball ive ever seen. i'm going to try and get a copy of it. 

something exciting: 

i might get to go on a mule ride down the grand canyon and spend the night in a cabin down there with my dad in september! how ridiculous would that be?! my mom cant go, and doesn't want to, bc of work so i casually asked if i could go and they said sure! that would be amazingg and great father/daughter time. hope it works out. 

oak trees are amazing! i want to be one.

 

check out this cool fact about them..

Oak trees can start producing acorns when they are 20 years old, but sometimes can go all the way to 50 years for the first production. By the time the tree is 70 to 80 years old it will produce thousands of acorns.

 

how interesting that it takes them so long to produce fruit but once they do so much is produced in their later years that it almost cannot be counted. makes me think about how jesus only had 3 years of ministry in his life and then John says that, "And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written."  all throughout our life as a believer we are bearing fruit in the spirit, but i think it takes years, possibly 50, of growing in our relationship with the Lord before he releases us into our main calling or ministry. And all those years of being faithful with the little and being consistent will produce much in the end. This makes my heart relaxed and calm. There's no pressure to be at the pinnacle of our ministry anytime soon. Just stay faithful in loving Jesus and learning from the situations He brings to teach you and train you in His ways and you'll produce lots of fruit. 

to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61

sandra the swimmer

i swam laps tonight in the neighborhood pool. it was so relaxing. you know how people run and they say its really good time for them to think? well, i've never understood that. when i run, all i think about is how i cant wait for it to be over.. ok breathe, sandra.. breathe, oh yeah keep breathing. not so much with swimming.. i'm not sure how many laps i swam but it was really good "think" time. i highly recommend giving it a try. i'm hoping it becomes a regular thing for me. i tend to bounce around though from things i want to be "hobbies". nothing sticks for some reason. maybe swimming will. 

verse:

..He who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above..

"exceedingly abundantly"..?? wow.

 

status update

sandra is being exposed. it feels like she has been turned inside out. pretty uncomfortable. last time she check though, God wasn't really into her comfort. He is however concerned with completing the good work He began in her. 

hallelujah.

my amazing weekend.

on thursday i decided i would take a road trip this weekend to nashville/louisville. i think last minute road trips are the best. something about just leaving town only hours after the thought comes to mind is just fun in and of itself. i headed to nashville friday afternoon (after riding around with monica on her scooter for a couple hours looking at houses). saturday morning fletcher and i woke up early and got coffee at his local spot. we then went to the farmers market where he met the people he is going to be interning with in kentucky. we bought chocolate milk and a homemade granola bar from a dairy farmer (amazing!). we rode bikes to a local deli for lunch. after lunch we played catch in his backyard. "catch" is definitely a fond childhood memory. it's basically all we did. throwing the baseball next to his garden, under the shade of a big tree, talking about life. it was perfect. 

he had to go to work at 3, so i wondered around nashville for a few hours. i had some time to kill so i went to Grace Center for their sat night service last minute. it seems like every time i go there it's last minute, but always incredible. kimberly rivera was leading worship! it was so nice just to soak. then this lady spoke on dreams and dream interpretation. my favorite part was when she was talking about how God used dreams to protect Jesus' life. He told Joseph in a dream that the Holy Spirit had impregnated Mary. He told Joseph in a dream to move to Egypt and then Nazareth. He told the wise men, through a dream, not to return to Herod after seeing Jesus bc Herod wanted to kill Him. God relied on dreams to protect the life of Jesus. I'd imagine they are pretty important and we'd be wise to pay attention. 

I want to start asking for the gift of interpretation. it's so powerful. several people who shared their dreams and received interpretation were so deeply touched and impacted by what the Holy Spirit was telling them through their  dream. 

i headed to louisville after the service. i almost fell asleep a few times driving, but i made it thank goodness. i stayed with my friend ashley and her husband, keith. ashley and i went on summer project together in newport. she was one of my best friends on the project and probably one of the coolest people i've met in my life. they live in an apartment downtown above a sandwich shop. it's perfect. we stayed up late talking. slept in and then spent the entire morning talking, drinking coffee and making pancakes. we took her dog for a walk around the neighborhood and then it was time for me to head to sarah and dave's wedding.

sarah and dave's wedding was at by far the biggest church i've ever seen. completely massive. they had their ceremony in the chapel though. it was pretty. the reception was fun too. i'm glad i went even though i did know anyone. situations like that seem so scary to be solo in, but they're really not that bad. you just have to find the people that seem just as awkward as you and stick together. at least that's what i did. 

Also, got a few text messages from taylor!! He's doing great. loving africa. loving Jesus. Seeing healings and Jesus move. 

"love is way way deeper and harder than i thought. we know very little about the depth of dying of self and to fully love your enemy.." (from taylor)

so my weekend was completely awesome. and very refreshing. God is so good, He's so good to me. i love Him a lot. 

i randomly started feeling really sick today in the prayer room. all of a sudden my stomach started hurting and i was really hot and clamey.  i came home, ate some toast, drank some apple juice, laid on the couch while it stormed outside, and watched Mona Lisa Smile. i guess it was just what i needed bc i feel better :) 

life has been good lately. very uneventful, yet eventful at the same time. processing a lot. 

1. i miss my brother

2. i'm thinking about going to Israel in September to the house of prayer there, for 3 months. i filled out the application and looked at plane tickets today. i dunno though. i need to keep praying about it. i also REALLY want to go to europe. 

3. officially signed up for cake decorating classes... first one july 6. 

look unto Jesus..

it's going to be worth it.

so much more than worth it.

we werent created for our gifting. we were created for our heart to be fascinated and in love with God. the evangelist wasn't created for the purpose of evangelizing or the prophet to even prophesy. without love, it's worthless. we were created, above everything, for intimacy with Him. that should consume us so much more than our gifting or calling. 

at the end of the day, all i really want is my heart to be alive in God. a dead/dull heart is miserable.  

a song from the holy spirit to my heart. too bad i cant sing, or i would sing it to you. guess He just wants me to sing it with Him.

it doesn't bother Him that you ask Him the same questions.

it doesn't bother Him that you need to hear the answer again.

the reason you have the question in your heart is because the question is on His heart.. He's saying, "do you think I'm beautiful? do you think I'm lovely? do I steel your heart? do I catch your eye?  what do you think about  me? how do you feel about me?" 

you want to hear the answer because He wants to hear the answer every single day...that you think He's beautiful. that you call Him lovely. that He's the one that has your attention. He's the one that has your affections.

and He loves to answer the question. He loves when you ask the question. He longs to lavish His love upon you. He longs to tell you over and over again that He thinks you're beautiful and He calls you lovely. and He's overwhelmed by your devotion to Him. He's so proud of you and He says you're doing just fine. He's so proud of you; He says you're doing just fine. 

i love when you look at Me. i love when you think about Me. 

so lift up your eyes and unstop your ears, because the Father of glory has something to say to you. He wants you to know that you're beautiful. He wants you to know that you've stolen His heart. the humble God is overwhelmed with your love. 

it really doesn't bother Him that you ask the same questions.

it really doesn't bother Him that you need Him to tell you again. 

...because He wants you to tell Him again. 

anyone want to run a half marathon with me? 

its oct 31, 2009 in greenville, sc.. 

http://www.spinxrunfest.com/about-the-race/race-info/

school, bikes, banana bread

for some reason i'm having an itch to go back to school... 

ive just been looking at Gwinnett Technical College.. it's right down the street. they have some interesting classes though.. floral design, horticulture.. been thinking about graphic design and dental assistant programs too.. hhmmm... and of course cake decorating is still in the things-i-want-to-do. i actually need to go check out this place today where classes start next week. maybe that will help this itch.. its an odd feeling. i'm probably just bored. ha.

i moved into a new condo yesterday. its sweet! i like it a lot and think i'll be here for a while. 

i also had a sudden urge today to buy a bike.. so i found one on craigs list that im about to go look at. haha. i'm in a strange mood today. and i just ate a lot of banana bread, i kinda feel sick. i made it with applesauce instead of eggs and its just as good, for the record. now i gotta figure out how to cut out the cup of sugar.. i'm gonna try honey next time. i'll let you know how it is..

im all over the place todayy. 

may the father bless you today with the sweet presence of the holy spirit and revelation of Jesus !!!

a list

1. i get to see my parents next weekend!! i'm really excited about this. it's been since Christmas. too long. 

2. i'm moving for the third time in the past 9 months tomorrow. fortunately, i think i'll be at this condo for a while. its really nice/cute and anyone is welcome to visit anytime. :)

3. if we ask, He will come. He's always on time. never a second late.

4. miss sally came to the prayer room today! it was such a refreshing, sweet surprise. she is a-mazing! 

5. happy, content, excited 

i recently picked up the book Captivating again. i tried to read it a few years ago and got about half way through and thought.."this is lame." you too might think its corny but i would seriously recommend giving it another shot. the lord has exposed so many things in my heart through reading it, and brought or has begun to bring healing. realizing my brokenness and the wounds of my heart from this world are a lot deeper than i ever imagined. and every single one of them is from the enemy to lead me away from the feminine heart and desires the lord put inside of me. i love that he is not passive.. He doesn't want to merely put a band aide over our wounds and send us on our way.. He wants to go with us, holding our hand, into those places that really hurt and set us free with truth. the truth will set us free. He's so kind and gentle. 

"God went back and got the shaking little girl that was hiding under the bed and convinced her to come out. He unclenched her little fists and took her hand and placed it in his and answered her question. He held her and told her it was ok for her not to be tough. He would protect her. She didn’t have to be strong. He told her she wasn’t a rock but a child. An innocent child. His child. He didn’t condemn her for anything but instead understood her and loved her! He told her she was special…like no other and that she had special gifts like no other. She knew his voice and trusted him. She could hear the pleasure He had for her in His voice and felt His delight in her as He talked. He was so gentle and loving she couldn’t help but melt in His arms."

for consider Him 

who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself,

 let you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 

hebrews 12:3

jack loves me.

i don't have anyone to communicate with besides a dog which equals lots of blogs about nothing too worth-while... but i think thats kind of the point of blogs anyways, so maybe i'm just working on my blogging skills.. making ordinary things seem interesting..  

church was good. i wish worship was longer. not sure exactly what it is, its just good for me to worship in ft laud. maybe bc i haven't since i was a kid. but it just felt reallllly good to my heart. the whole time i kept thinking of this tune "we've got a reason to celebrate, we'll see him one day!" its really happy and everyone dances around. but yeah they didn't play it. he did on the other hand say, "people get ready, jesus is coming" in reference to an old hymn a hand-full of times which made my heart happy. its just encouraging when you hear the holy spirit telling the church at large the same things.. doesn't matter about denomination or theology.. the Spirit and the Bride are beginning to cry, "come!" ..for real! oh my goodness, that just kinda hit me. whoaaaaa. 

i got home and ate ice cream, which i regretted since i'll be in a bathing suit everyday this next week.. so i took jack for a run around the neighborhood to make myself feel better. and to tire him out.. he kept coming up to me with different objects in his mouth that when i would go to grab he would run away hoping i would chase/wrestle with him i suppose but i just wasn't feeling it.. the run seemed to drain his energy.

my friend, genna, asked me to be in her wedding tonight! i'm really excited about it. i had a dream last year that i was in her wedding and the bridesmaids dresses were hot pink. she assured me this wouldn't be the case which i am grateful for. 

tomorrow will consist of a pedicure, consignment shop and the beach !

i love that my best friend from 1st grade, lindsey, and i still pick up where we left off and have really good jesus talks. we use to rollerblade in her driveway and pretend we were ice skaters. we also played "office"..a lot. i would stay in her room and she would go in her parents room and we would write each other notes and put them in the mailboxes we taped to the front of the door. also, one time my mom sent her home with a gallon of milk because she drank out of the carton! haha. we have some good memories. oh yeah, and we're related. we set up her aunt and my uncle on a blind date about 6 or so years ago all because we wanted to be related. shortly after they eloped to italy and are going to grow old together. that could be a movie..

today:

[1] easter brunch at aunt betty's. pretty good. they are funny people. extremely proper. it feels like you're in england or something. the table is set with china and each place has a name tag. they even have the little dish of sugar for coffee with a mini spoon. fresh squeezed juice, sausage cassarole, fruit, cinnamon muffins and grits. 

[2] layed out with jack (the dog) for about 30 min then decided i was way to hot and went in the pool. jack is awesome. we're going to get tight this week. i'll post a pic later.

[3] watched the master's with granddaddy

[4] lindsey came over and we chatted. now i'm headed to church with her.. i'm getting to after-all, hurray! 

this is going to be a good trip. a really good trip. i feel it :]

i wish i was tired considering i have to wake up at 8am (not exactly sure the last time that happened since i switched to the evening section).. but i'm not. i'm actually wide awake and just ate a handful of almonds that i packed for my trip. the flight here was pretty good.. i like that every time i fly it blows my mid how freaking small we are. why did God make us so small? even if we were bigger we would still be tiny in comparison.. but still. and then it really weirded me out to think about jesus in heaven with the father as a little jewish man.. very odd.

yes, i dont understand Him at all. if i try to figure it out, it just makes my ridiculously small brain hurt, so i stop.

i sat next to a pilot on the plane. considering he's on planes a lot, one would think making conversation with strangers would be second nature.. apparently not the case. of course, i didn't initiate either, but i mean come on.. he's a pilot! actually, i take that back.. i did initiate. when we landed, i asked him where Laguardia was. it's in new york.

my grandfather and i are going to my aunt betty and uncle gex's for easter breakfast..? there's a sunrise service outside, on the water, at their presbyterian church down the street but granddaddy doesn't want to go.. understandable since he cant hear very well it would be kind of pointless. but it sounds pretty perfect and awesome. looks like i'm going to start a new trent of going to church every sunday except the "significant" ones.. christmas and now, easter. 

i watched marley & me with my uncle, aunt and four cousins tonight. first movie i've seen in a while. it was ok. after 23 years i still just don't really "get" movies for some reason.. i like documentaries and true stories, fiction just doesn't do it for me.

ok, thats my night.

i'm heading to ft lauderdale in a few hours.

i'm excited for my time there. and kinda nervous feeling at the same time. not really sure why.. although i believe He has a lot in store for this trip. 

i wish i was better at blogging because lots of interesting things have been going on the past couple weeks in my heart. He is bringing forth desires i have never had the ability to put words to and then letting me trust Him that they are from Him and His desire is for them to come in fullness at the perfect time. 

i celebrated a traditional passover on wednesday. well, semi-traditional. a "real" one takes 6 hours! ours was probably 3 or so.. it was really amazing though. i love all of the jewish traditions and God's ways that He put in the Torah...they all point to Yeshua. and the feasts are amazing! God loves for us to be filled with joy and love and i think thats one of the reasons He put them in there.. they are apart of His heart. 

over the past few weeks, i've developed more of a love and understanding of israel. it baffles me how far we have gotten from their traditions and what not. it is beautiful. and yes, we aren't under the law but grace for salvation, but i'm beginning to think that doesn't mean we completely abandon the law and customs of the old testament. it's God's word.. and His heart. 

i'm currently praying about spending a season over there. there is a house of prayer, Succat Hallel, that you can stay at for 3 months basically for free. i just feel a real desire to go there. kinda like when you go home with a good friend and see where they grew up and what their family is like... i want to know where jesus grew up.. see the streets he walked.. his people and culture.. ah! it fills my heart just talking about it. to really know the man, yeshua :)

the other night i was just hanging around ihop trying to figure out something to do for the night and i started talking to these two older ladies. well, actually my friend, kristen, had talked to one of them the day before and said that when she prayed for her that she felt like peace was imparted to her...so it went more like me sitting on the couch in the lobby, the lady walking out of the prayer room, and me just asking her to pray for me...

anyways, she did for a while and it was good.. very peaceful.. then her friend came up and started praying for me... she was very prophetic and said a handful of things that were just little "ok, sandra God knows you and is paying attention" phrases. she anointed me with oil that i actually watched pool up in her hand! not from a bottle... just from heaven ha! the weird thing is that i didn't even think about it while it was happening, it was completely normal and didn't even really catch my attention. then about 20 minutes later it hit me.. and i was like WHHAT.. ive only seen that on youtube, not real life! i couldnt believe how normal and nonchalant i was about a supernatural thing happening right before my eyes... it was the best smell ever. 

The Father is so kind and thoughtful. 

i want to be bold and unwavering yet extremely gentle, humble and kind. yeah. 

verse:

her ways are ways of pleasantness and her paths are peace (prov3:17)

i've had the urge to write poetry lately. its going to start out rough, but thats true with every beginning. i stumbled across some john piper poems (desiringgod.org) yesterday they inspired me. i pray the holy spirit encounters me through this and romances my heart with his thoughts. and maybe yours as well.. 

"heaven, please"

fountain of living water

give me a drink of love

wrap me in your feathers

my eyes on you like a dove

my aching heart

longs to see your face

to hear your voice

to be in your arms at the end of this race

i'm ruined for anything less

than the father's perfect love

let it be real

sent from your throne above

holy spirit be my best friend

your presence is great

meet me in the secret place

walk me down the path that is straight

the world leaves me empty

i need something real

something from heaven

filled with your zeal

jesus is the king

he'll make the wrong right

establish justice

and make the earth bright.

sking

one of my friends (cough cough Sarah or Erica cough) should paint Song of Solomon 2:4..

Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods,

so is my Beloved among the sons.

I sat down in His shade with great delight,

and His fruit was sweet to my taste.

He is a pleasant surprise. refreshing. a place of rest. 

-----

tuscaloosa was great. i like that sarah and davis' house feels homey. i like that its tangible to walk almost anywhere. i like that friends there know my past. 

although i spent most of the time i lived there wishing i didnt, it definitely holds a special place in my heart now. four years of my life that consisted of the most significant change, up to this point, took place there.. lots of hard times, but way more good times. it felt like everywhere i look held a memory.

-----

lots up in the air right now.. i want excitement and peace to fill my heart, not anxiety. reminding myself to trust in the Lord almost every five minutes. He's always on time. His faithfulness endures forever. 

He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (Is53:3)... 

yet

He will not fail nor be discouraged(Is42:4)...

He has never been discouraged. never discouraged. 

hope. faith. love. 

i want one hope. jesus' return.

everything else leaves me disappointed.

and weighs down my heart.

deliver me from the cares of this life.

there is a river of pleasure available.

------------

[1] ttown this wknd!!!!

[2] ft lauderdale in 3 weeks

[3] flip flops

limousines

i saw a limousine today and i actually laughed-out-loud

they are so ridiculous hahaaaha

Tozer quote on the goodness of God

Now someone who in spite of his past sins honestly wants to become reconciled to God may cautiously inquire, "If I come to God, how will He act towards me? What kind of disposition has He? What will I find Him to be like?

The answer is that He will be found to be exactly like Jesus. "He that hath seen me," said Jesus, "hath seen the Father." Christ walked with men on earth that He might show them what God is like and make known the true nature of God to a race that had wrong ideas about Him. This was only one of the things He did while here in the flesh, but this He did with beautiful perfection.

From Him we learn how God acts toward people. The hypocritical, the basically insincere, will find Him cold and aloof, as the once found Jesus; but the penitent will find Him merciful; the self-condemned will find Him generous and kind. To the frightened He is friendly, to the poor in spirit He is forgiving, to the ignorant, considerate; to the weak, gentle; to the stranger, hospitable. 

-----

If you haven't read The Knowledge of the Holy by AW Tozer...you should. 

my trip to kansas city was so good! the lord gave me a lot to pray about. 

here's a few things...

[1] i was really encouraged by the "spirit of excellence" in kc, really encouraged. hunger. 

[2] He chastens those He loves. it hurts. its good. i'm glad He loves me.

[3] the importance of speaking truth and the obvious things to family/friends. satan is the accuser of the brothern..and is constantly throwing lies at everyone, we're not in this alone. we're suppose to encourage one another daily, to help our brothers and sisters wage war just by washing them with the word and truth. i'm going to try and do this more. it's so important.

[4] this world is not my home. i'm on a pilgrimage. 

[5] Rev 5:13...the creatures even in the sea are saying.. ha! 

[6] i finally got the name book! so if you want to know what your name means you can ask me :)

[7] had my first "divine appointment" on a plane tonight. i sat in between a family on their way to disney world. byron (14) and monti (9) sat on my row. the lord let me prophesy and pray over them. they had really sweet spirits and could tell that the Lord had already marked them. i was able to pray for their mom too, who is recently divorced, for restoration. it was sweet, and really normal. i love that the lord just puts you where he wants you and you don't have to strive. i really love the holy spirit. i'm so grateful that he lives in me and is with me wherever i go. what an amazing gift! 

new music: kristene mueller

verse: and the glory You gave Me I give them, that they may be one just as We are one [jn17:22]

rando

one: going to kansas city fri-tues :)

two: i need to get out of my not-working-out-lull.. why is it so hard to start back? 

three: sunny weather just makes life better.. maybe it's shallow but i really like being tan.

four: got my hair cute yesterday at a cosmetology school. it was only $10. its shorter than i wanted, but it works. when i told the girl what i wanted she said she had never done a hair cut like that haha. not the most comforting thing to hear. 

five: i could eat cereal for every meal

six: i love my job

seven: "grace and love flow as a mighty river"

love

love is patient

love is kind

it does not envy

it does not boast

it is not proud

it is not rude

it is not self-seeking

it is not easily angered

it keeps no record of wrongs

love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth

love always protects

always trusts

always hopes

always perseveres

love never fails [esv: love never ends]

1 Corinthians 13

it baffles me that this has become cliche. its' had my attention the past couple days. 

this is literally who God is. each line is so rich. 

love is humble. 

AW Tozer quotes from his book Knowledge of the Holy:

Love wills the good of all.

His love disposes Him to desire our everlasting welfare and His sovereignty enables Him to secure it.

In Christian experience there is a highly satisfying love content that distinguishes it from all other religions and elevates it to heights far beyond even the purest and noblest philosophy. This love content is more than a thing; it is God Himself in the midst of His Church singing over His people. True Christian joy is the heart's harmonious response to the Lord's love song.

friends are refreshing. i decided to go to onething montgomery last minute and i'm really thankful i went. the lord has beyond blessed me with amazing friends. absolutely amazing. most of them i havent even known that long. maybe 3 years, yet our spirits are so connected and i have a deep love for them all. they are truly my brothers and sisters. 

on saturday night, after spending a few hours in the park and eating a home cooked meal, i rode with jordan mahy back to the church where the conference was held. as we were driving we were talking about loving the poor. and in matthew when jesus says that if you do it for the least of these, you do it for Me. i was sharing with him two experiences ive heard from heidi baker and a girl here at ihop about how when they were holding a child in a third world country and when they looked into the child's eyes they had significant encounters with the lord. both of them said they saw jesus. 

poor, needy, broken, meek, lowly... that's jesus. 

while we were talking about this it literally felt like the holy spirit blew on us. at the same time we just started going crazy and laughing so hard! it was so great. i havent felt the presence of the holy spirit where it literally touches you and you have no control in a long time. those are the best. that little touch really refreshed me. 

and made me realize there is a lot more to loving the poor than i even know. i think jesus was in complete agreement with our conversation and wanted to testify to it by sending his spirit. 

verse i've been thinking about:

now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in christ and through us manifests the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. 2 cor 2:14

christ in me, the hope of glory, literally is manifesting a smell concerning the truth of who He is from my life. that is crazzzzy awesome. 

settling in

i'm getting situated in my new residence. going from my things being spread throughout a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment to sharing a room/closet/bathroom smaller than the one i had to my own has been kinda challenging. my "necessary" belongings are jammed into my half of the room literally taking up every last inch. mostly in piles circling my new twin bed. my other less necessary things are in a corner of bev's basement. this works for now i suppose. i'm grateful to have a bed and roof over my head. and the room is green, so thats a plus. i cant help but daydream about one day having my own house though. lately i've really wanted to live on a farm. and have a rocking chair. a farm on the beach, 15 min from a big city ;)

i'm really thankful for my friends jonathan, joel and matt that live here in atl. they spent most of their day yesterday helping me move heavy stuff down three flights of stairs. and they had a smile on their face. i owe them big time. 

meagan got engaged last night! i'm excited for her and john :)

---------------------------------------------

i had a dream last night about the mark-of-the-beast...it was terrifying. for real terrifying. i dont really know what to think about it except that we really need to learn how to rest in God now. i feel sobered by it. its not a joke.

im thankful for..

1. my brother, taylor. no matter what boring/unexciting/useless piece of information i tell him he is always genuinely excited.. its awesome and makes me really happy :].

2. QT.. they have the good ice, fountain diet mt dew, good coffee, mike & ikes and icees. and the people that work there are usually very friendly. 

3. the condo i'm moving into today as a keyboard! so i can really learn and not just talk about it. 

4. moving frequently. i feel like it has kept my things on the less than more side. i like this. of course, being an american i have way more than most, but respectively speaking i dont have lots of extra "junk". i'm pretty good at throwing/giving things away.

verse for the day: 

if anyone loves me, he will keep my word; and my father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him.-jesus [john14:23]

romance & friendship

the other day the holy spirit told me thats what it's all about... friendship & romance.

the deeper the friendship the sweeter the romance. 

friend of the bridegroom. walk with jesus. know whats on his heart. how do things make him feel? people, events, decisions really impact His heart. the perfect one. the righteous one. what is he thinking about? i want the holy spirit to be my best friend. no joke. 

i like..

(1) pure joy 

(2) finding rest for my soul

(3) chips and guacamole 

i think everyone should get aim again..

if we're going back to hs days of blogging, we might as well go all out and stay up late at night chatting on aim about random nonsense. 

Yeah? 

sandra7858... hit me up yo! 

i'm moving in 7 days.

i should start packing.

upside down kingdom

And I will walk at liberty (in a wide place),

For I seek Your precepts. Ps119:45

Your commands bring FREEDOM.

Your ways lead to LIFE.

They aren't confining--they bring about a free heart filled with life!

Narrow is the gate 

and difficult is the way 

which leads to life;

and there are few who find it. Matt 7:14

I love His leadership. Only in His kingdom does the narrow, difficult, hard way lead to a wide place filled with life! Oh, that I would long for the difficult way. I cant articulate it yet, but I know my mindset is completely wrong. I live so much as a slave to sin, but I am a slave to righteousness! Our flesh profits nothing. zero. zilch. but the Spirit gives life. actual life, the light of Jesus' face, the brightness from His being touches our soul.. there is nothing better. I want all of Psalm119 in my heart. I long for the law of the Lord to truly be my delight. 

----

Chad, who teaches my class tonight, said that there was a study done on the health of the brain during contemplative prayer and the brain was at its highest cognitive activity level! 

I also saw a study one time about how speaking in tongues was really good for your brain as well. 

It made me think about fasting too. Not eating, is actually good for your body to get rid of toxins.

so three of the seemingly most foolish things...not eating, sitting in silence, and speaking a language you dont know...are incredibly good for your body, soul and spirit. God's a genius. ha!

spring/summer so far consists of..  !!!

[1] trip to kc with bev

[2] trip to cali to visit sarah and fulfill my dream of surfing

[3] being in 2 weddings...attending at least 6...wowww

i have to move out of my apartment in 11 days and i still don't have a place to go.. and the thought of packing all my stuff and moving it down three flights of stairs kinda makes me nauseous. 

i found some wedding cake classes that i'm going to start taking, so thats exciting! 

sandra-the-wedding-cake-baker-extraordinaire coming soon. 

3 things i'm thankful for: ..copying erica

[1] spell check on blogger

[2] a sweet roommmate who bought me dunkin' donuts coffee (which ps is THE BEST coffee in the world. period.), flowers and gum just because..

[3] blankets..really thankful for them. especially the electric ones. 

fifteen minutes left in during this prayer room for the night. 

not gonna lie, the past hour has been pretty rough. and by rough i mean boring. 

i meditated on psalm 23 for most of my time in here. its pretty awesome that the entire thing is about Him doing things for me. i don't do anything, except let Him...

make me lie down

lead me 

restore my soul

lead me some more

prepare a table for me

anoint my head

and then goodness and mercy constantly follow me wherever i go

we're loved

sought after

completely taken care of

Jesus is good. mmmmm. goodnight.